dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
