standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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