Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
