giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
