i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
