That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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