Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
