To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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