she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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