i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
