i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How external is "for external use only"?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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