So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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