when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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