Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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