my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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