Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
