My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
