Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
