I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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