No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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