i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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