I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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