I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
