11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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