from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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