I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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