hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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