I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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