i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my shit smells like andre
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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