I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
