then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
