You just made me feel so damn special
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
