come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ok first of all what the fuck
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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