where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
