I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
