Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
