Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
