um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize