Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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