I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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