6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
