Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
