Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
