I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ketchup is God's man juice
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
