The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
