its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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