I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
