I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
