Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
