the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
