Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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