I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
