my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
