I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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