these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
