Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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