Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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