isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
