so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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