Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Found your dick twin last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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