you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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