My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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