...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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