just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
