and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sober January is a disaster.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
