We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize