blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
