i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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