I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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