i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
