i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
