Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize