With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
