i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
