I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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