so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
