Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize