dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
