thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
