i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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