My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize