I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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