I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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