i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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