Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
