I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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