I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
