Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
