Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
