I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize