You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
