Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize