Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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