uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
