I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
