You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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