I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
