i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
