It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
