He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize